I am covered from neck to navel in a lumpy, measl-ish rash. The doc says stay on the tabs unless symptoms of gastro-intestinal distress arise, because apparently this stuff can prompt your stomach to start eating itself.

Bah. Time to go and bounce off the walls of my tiny mind some more I think.

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My left shoulder is normal. Functioning away like a perfectly serviceable twenty-six-year-old joint. This from the doctor I saw last week, for all of four minutes. The surgery was running 25 minutes behind on appointment times, and he made it clear he didn't want to waste his time.

According to him, the manner in which it grinds its way through a full rotation is normal. Everybody's shoulders do it, even his - which he demonstrated, but I couldn't feel. Everyone I've gotten to feel mine has the same freakout reaction when the grind kicks in. If theirs did it, they wouldn't look so disturbed afterward, right?

And the stabbing yet curiously dull pain I intermittently get across the region when breathing - usually after lifting something heavy, or sitting in one position, standing still, sleeping or laying down for longer than about half an hour - is normal? What? I can't tell if it's real or my overactive imagination, but I think I can feel pressure on my left lung on deep in breaths, as if it's not inflating the way the right one does. I've never really paid attention to what should feel normal though...

(I should point out that the pain is a relatively new development following five painless, happy hours of stripping calendars. This involves destroying the product beyond conceivable use or benefit. Also known as "Smashey-Smashey").

I have another appointment (same surgery, different doctor) tomorrow morning. Following the first appointment, and how brushed-off I felt when leaving (not helped by the non-arrival of a physiotherapist referral cajoled out of him), I feel a second opinion is in order. I asked for the referral beacause there's nothing else I can think of to do. I can't afford the chiropractic/massage bender it inspires, not to mention the damage I might be doing. If it's like this now, what will it be like when I'm 40? 60?

Among the list of possible causes rattled off by last week's quack was partial dislocation. If this was so, it might explain why (as observed by the chiropractor) my shoulder blade is pressing on my rib cage. He had ascribed it to a birth defect with no permanent fix. Otherwise I've been told it's arthritis, stress-induced tension, appalling posture (OK, that one's true), and that my chi is wack or somesuch.

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I just noticed that Madge's wedding invite stipulates lounge suits and posh frocks.

SHIT*SHIT**SHIT***SHIT****SHIT*****.

* I don't do dresses
** I don't do posh
*** I can't afford posh
**** Primark/TK Maxx cannot be passed off as posh by any stretch of the imagination
***** Just for the hell of it

Eh. I have a beautiful floor-length skirt I bought back in Vancouver. It is, however, black. And while plain and simple in design, borderline gothy. What's the current mode for wearing black at weddings? Last summer at the two weddings I went to I noticed a few women wearing it, balanced with white garments & accessories. So it's OK to wear black then? If I bought a simple, well-fitted white shirt or light cardigan (this is a bit too close to "twinset" for my liking though)(with a white corset-style top below?)... could I? Could I make myself look classy for a day?!

Given that I look scruffy in the most immaculately tailored of suits and have the fashion sense of a colourblind cuckoo, I don't fancy my chances.

This is the furthest in advance I have EVER questioned what I would wear to an event.

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I read an article today on last night's Panorama about the global impact bottled water appears to be wreaking. The BBC summarises the programme here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/panorama/7247130.stm . There is also a response from Fiji Water here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/panorama/7231169.stm .

I find the assurances proffered by the water companies pretty hard to swallow when my Volvic bottle bears the message:

"Bottle intended exclusively for the use of Volvic Natural Mineral Water, do not refill."

(Injudiciously applied grammar & punctuation theirs).

Nowhere on the bottle is there a word of encouragement to recycle the receptacle. The word "recycle" does not even appear; the only indication that it can evade landfill is a little symbol with a blue and a white arrow arranged in a yin/yang kind of way.

Furthermore, it hadn't occurred to me that countries with limited access to safe water would ship it out at a price like that. What happened to the money gained from this enterprise? Why wasn't it ploughed straight back into domestic water management? Bottled water is nothing new.

*puzzlies*

I have a hunch that, in the future, historians will call these "interesting times".

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Now for a caption...

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I got drawn on today:



The shot doesn't do it justice but I couldn't wait to share :o)

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I guess you're all too drunk/asleep/hung over to give a shit about this old news, but happy New Year! This one better suck less than the outgoing incumbent :o)

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For the quantity made/consumed Sunday take:

2 cups coarse-ground yellow polenta (corn meal)
2 cups self-raising flour
2 large eggs
2 cups buttermilk (single Elmlea makes a good subsitute if your supermarché is not so super)
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 cup corn oil (vegetable oil works but don't taste so good)

Preheat the oven to gas mark 6 (220°C). Coat a cast iron skillet or baking tin with all the corn oil and put it in the oven to heat through.

Mix together the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl mix the eggs and buttermilk. Blend with the polenta mix with a few swift strokes. The batter stuff should be thick and gloopy.

Take the pan out and swill the oil around. Spread the batter evenly (about 1/2 inch thick) and bake for about 15 minutes or until goldy-brown.

Eat lots, hot, with coronary-inducing quantities of butter. It can be microwaved if enough survives to be eaten later (hrrrmph*cough* plv), but tends to go rubbery. If you want to reheat it, fry it in a tiny bit of corn oil to preserve the crustiness of the outside edges.

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Is it possible to get 2 eggs across town intact?

Answer later folks :o)

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...posted in quite some time.

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